Self belief

I think the thing I struggle with most is self belief.  I know I am my own worst critic and way too harsh on myself and it is something I am working on.  I still struggle to see myself as a runner, i'm always worried that someone I know will see me.  I am aware that I am not going to break any speed records and that my running pace is the same as some peoples walking pace!  I still feel self conscious about being out in public.  This is stuff I need to work on!

Last week I was looking through my Instagram stories and a personal trainer I follow called Pmac.  He trains lots of celebs like Giovanna Fletcher, Marvin and Rochelle Humes and Reggie Yates.  He regularly posts work out ideas and stories with little snippets of wisdom.  It was one of these stories this week that caught my attention.  I don't remember the exact words he used but basically the message was "Just because you didn't so something yesterday does not mean you can't do it tomorrow". This got me thinking, I've chosen my running routes carefully to avoid hills because I can't run up hills.
I had also posted about this in a group I belong to and other runners had given me some help and advice on how to approach hill running.  I know I have done it previously but I had just totally lost confidence since I started running again.  So today I planned a new route, one that involved a very long hill.  It wasn't the steepest hill in town but it was a hill none the less.

After trying to talk myself out of the run 100 times (something else I also need to work on) I laced up my trainers, loaded up my best 90's cheesy dance music and hit the road.  The first mile was hard (it always is isn't it!! Why is that?) but once I found my stride I felt great.  The hill of death (as I have now renamed it) came just at the end of mile 2, like I said it is a long hill, the majority of which is a gentle slope but there are also some steep bits within it.  I focused on the lay by half way up the hill and decided that would be my goal, if I could just get to there then I would be happy.....I got there.  At the lay by I decided I would continue to the bench a bit further up, at least then I could collapse in a heap on the bench.  Bench reached and I decided to push a bit further, after all I was more or less at the top now so pointless stopping.  I got to the top of the hill and felt like Rocky at the top of those steps!!! (I may have even raised my hands in the air at this point).  At the top I was surprised to find my legs were still capable of moving so I continued until I hit mile 4!  This felt absolutely amazing.  I actually felt I could have continued a bit further but i'm also conscious that I don't want to over do things and end up causing myself an injury and set back my training.

Today has definitely been about mind over matter, I took Pmac's words on board and thought just because I couldn't do a hill last time I was out running did not mean I couldn't do it today, and I did!
I have read lots about how a positive mindset and how people can get so far in their training and push through their mental barriers but I have never been able to harness this within my own training...until today.  It felt amazing to run up that hill and it felt amazing to hit that 4 mile mark, I cannot wait to make more progress in my future runs!