In a previous blog I wrote about not looking like a runner (You can read that here), I do struggle with self image on a day to day basis (damn those media airbrushed images) but the thing I struggle with most is self image whilst exercising....and if you think about that it's crazy. Why should I worry about how I look when i'm doing something good for my body and my mind? There is absolutely no sense in it at all. I am an intelligent adult, I have 2 degrees, I am a qualified nurse, I understand the benefits of exercise and healthy eating so why do I feel like I shouldn't be out exercising????
That paragraph above would have been written by the old me, she was around before January this year. She was the person who would emotionally eat, she would eat when upset, she would eat when stressed, she would eat when tired, she would eat when bored....you get the picture! I am well aware that I am almost 40 now and little things that have happened over the last year have given me a wake up call, stuff I am way to embarrassed to admit to just now, maybe one day...but anyway, since January 1st I have been making positive changes, as a result I have lost the best part of two stone. I have not said much about this on social media because I dont want to look on it as a diet, because that to me means there is a beginning and an end. Instead I have looked on it as a lifestyle change, something that is long term, life long in fact. Its about changing my mindset which has been the hardest part of it all.
Today whilst out on a run I passed a white van parked in a layby half way up a long hill. I was focusing hard on getting up that hill, it was hard and it was hot and my bloody earphones had gone flat (grrrr). Anyway as I approached the van I looked up and noticed a very large bloke sat in the drivers seat with a cigarette in his hand that was perched on the window with a McDonald's burger in his other hand and various packaging all over his dashboard. As I ran passed the open window he poked his head out and with one of those punch me in the face smirks shouted "Run fatty run" whilst laughing to himself. I turned, smiled politely then flicked my middle finger at him and carried on running. This should have made me angry but instead I laughed, I laughed at the irony of the situation, I am half the size of him.....I was running, exercising, keeping fit, losing weight. I was and am still bemused. Anyway, the biggest triumph for me was not giving up, going home, feeling upset and stuffing my face to make myself feel better. Dont get me wrong, I did stuff myself after my run, but with a tuna salad! This signifies to me a huge shift in mindset.
I have been here before, the running, the diet, but the difference is the mindset. Dont get me wrong, I still enjoy a pizza now and then, and am a big fan of wine! The difference is I am not using them to fill an emotional void. That is now filled with endorphins and that feeling when you put on clothes you have not worn for a while because they didnt fit and now have to send to the charity shop because they are too big.
The only thing that man did today was make me realise how I have changed, not only physically but mentally.
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